The focal point in our house is the TV. As long as someone is home, it’s turned on. We rely on it. We’re a loose collection of unstable personalities. If we have an equipment breakdown, we have a mental breakdown.
John says he could do without it, but then, he’s developed a peculiar relationship with his new “artistic” friends via his Droid. “Draw Something” has really helped him develop the budding talent in his one finger.
But overall, the TV is our familial unified evil. I love our upscale satellite dish and the 100 channels of infomercials that accompany it. It’s the collective outward sign to all kindred White Trash--it cries out, we may be poor, but we’re not stupid. TV is the cheapest form of all entertainment.
Mostly, we’re not too particular about what it is we watch. Especially first thing in the morning. Madison is usually watching some pre-recorded episode of Cops while Max joyfully kicks his feet in time to the Bad Boys theme song.
The primo TV viewer is Kenny. He absolutely shuts down when it’s on. He sits mesmerized each morning before the bus arrives. His bottom lip limply hangs as the world of television washes over him. As I push on his shoes and attach his backpack, he hardly blinks. The last thing he sees as he’s leaving for school is not my maternal image waving goodbye, but an image of the TV as he greedily takes in just one more glance.
This morning, I think John tried to outsmart him. When I came down from my shower, an infomercial for men’s prostate health was playing. Six-year-old Kenny was totally sucked in. He even made the comment as I pulled him to the bus stop, “I sometimes get up and use the bathroom during the night. Maybe I need some of that.”
Even his little friend across the street has remarked, “Kenny! I came over and rang your doorbell when you were watching TV. You didn’t even budge!”
Too bad he didn’t hear her.
He was watching TV.
I sometimes wonder if our reliance on the box is problematic. Last week, while having dinner at a friend’s house, she commented that not only was the blue band not working on their color TV set, but that they (gasp!) didn’t even have basic cable!
You could see the visible concern on Sam’s face.
Without Dish TV, there would be no paranormal Monday, Wednesday or Friday for me. There would be no Finding Bigfoot, no reruns of Frasier. No Monday marathons of Family Guy. No South Park. Without 300 superfluous channels, I would only be half the person without my TV counterpart. What would I draw upon as I attempted to engage in meaningful conversation with others? Everything I’ve learned, I’ve learned from TV!
Our modern-day hearth is our television, and short of a shut-off for nonpayment, it will remain to be the light that keeps our home fires burning.
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