The Apocalypse?

I hate the Fourth of July.  And while it has nothing to do with my lack of patriotism, it does have everything to do with detesting the heat.

Maybe it’s global warming.  Maybe it’s age.  Whatever it is, I began dreading the upcoming holiday days in advance. 

I could imagine the humidity.  I could imagine the bugs.  I could even imagine the two of them combined under the Saran Wrap of fireworks.

What I failed to imagine was the two-hour power outage that transpired around dinnertime.

“You’re kidding, right?”  I groaned when Sam appeared in the back yard with a dead phone.

“I know, right?” he smiled back. 

This was no smiling matter.  No power meant no air conditioned oasis, an undercooked dinner in the crockpot, and episodes lost of the July Fourth Marathon of the The Twilight Zone on DVR. 

Immediately, my mind drew logical parallels of our situation to The Twilight Zone episode of “The Midnight Sun.” What if our recent heat wave was the result of the earth falling out of its orbit?  What if we were all experiencing a moment in The Twilight Zone?

“Relax,” John said as he squirted another chicken mid peck with the garden hose.  “It’s probably just the Zombie Apocalypse.”

As he sat bare-chested in his plastic Adirondack chair with the hose half cocked, he offered, “Want me to squirt you too?”

Opting instead to go inside, I found a shirtless Kenny hanging from a darkened refrigerator door.

“Ahh!  This feels good!” he lisped as he danced in circles.

“Stop!” I sputtered pushing the door closed.  “Do you want all our food to rot?”

“Why are you so mad?” Stancey said accusingly. 

“Because it’s hot!”  I hissed before opening the fridge myself and fanning the residual coolness toward my smarmy armpits.

It had only been seventeen minutes and already I was cracking.  As I looked at my wine on the countertop, I wondered if it was too early to start drinking.  At elevated room temperature, it was hardly appealing. 

As the family gathered in the living room around a dead air conditioner, we absorbed what was left of the cool before body odor overtook us. 

So we did what any other desperate household would have done in a similar situation. 

We went for an air-conditioned drive.

I’m happy to report that after two arduous hours, the City of Oberlin was able to successfully restore power to an area they aren’t quite sure why lost power in the first place. 

Now two days post, it appears the earth remains out of orbit and tomorrow promises to be the hottest day yet. 

Whether we’ve crossed over into The Twilight Zone is still undetermined, because what’s normal or abnormal isn't always easy to gage in The Thompson Zone.